She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
