i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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