I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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