Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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