I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
