Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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