i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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