I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize