I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
