I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
