GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
