I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
