i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
