Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize