So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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