I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
