I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
