i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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