I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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