I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
