Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
