Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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