Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
