See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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