I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
