This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
