you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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