I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
