OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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