On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
