I think my vagina is haunted
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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