if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
