The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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