Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
