so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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