There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
