We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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