The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
