please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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