obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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