found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
