Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
