I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
