Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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