I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.