So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
