Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument