I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
