i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
