i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Someone signed my nipple.
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