1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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