You're my little dorito
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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