The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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