i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
