My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
