it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
