u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
