Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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