I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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